Take the Bull by the Horns with Bullying

Even when we used to say, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” I’m not sure we really meant it, or that it’s even true. And today, bullying is spiraling almost out of control. Some national school surveys report that almost 90% of students in grades four through eight have been bullied.

Nowadays, bullying, which is a form of abuse, among youth comes in many different forms. As social media has grown and as more young people have gained access, bullying among teenagers has moved to these platforms. The COVID-19 pandemic has increased this behavior.

A recent report by the L1ght, an organization dedicated to protecting young people who use the internet, indicates as much as a 70% increase in cyberbullying during the COVID-19 pandemic.

The additional access and opportunity during the pandemic have allowed young people toe use technology even more, but other factors contribute to the increase in cyberbullying, as well.

These include:

• Increased stress from the confusion of the dangers of the pandemic and changes in the learning structure.

• Isolation from friends.

• Decrease in supervision of their time online.

• Boredom or wanting attention.

Young girls are common targets for verbal abuse and bullying.

A recent collaboration by the Society of Prevention Research and Jeremy Luk of University of Washington found a correlating link between bullying and alcohol abuse along with depression resulting from bullying. Luk analyzed a study conducted by the U.S. Health Behavior in School-aged Children (HBSC), of 1,495 10th graders focusing on bullying, depression and alcohol abuse.

The research showed that a high correlation of those who were bullied became depressed or showed signs of depression. Of the adolescents suffering from depression, many used drugs and abused alcohol. Many drug and alcohol addicts start using at a young age, generally 12 to 18 years old. From that point, it is generally the jumping off point for a long binge of substance abuse and addiction. Many adolescents suffering from depression find risk taking behavior such as violence, sex, and substance use a reprieve from their depression.

The research went on to reveal that these issues impacted young girls especially. Teenage girls’ perception of what is being said about them can have an immense effect on their self-esteem.

Generally, they will carry this into their adulthood. Low self-esteem fuels depression, and depression can fuel alcohol abuse.

The survey by Luk made clear that the depression those students felt had a heavy influence on their desire to use drugs and alcohol. Depression seems to be the link between bullying and alcohol abuse.

It’s important to take the bullying by horns, to be out front on the issue with your children. One thing we can do to resolve bullying is to recognize and acknowledge that bullying is a serious issue that must not be considered “playground games.” The outcomes of bullying can include drug and alcohol abuse, crime, depression and, in the most severe case, suicide. Some parents think that their youth would never use drugs but, with bullying and peer pressure, youth are pushed to try drugs. Kids want to be accepted by others and when their peers tell them that they need to join in the “fun,” youth don’t want to be left out or alienated.

Many times you can see bullying between siblings in the home. Siblings often bully each other, and it takes a careful eye to catch and see it. When you see your children bullying, stop it immediately. Teach them how their actions are harming their sibling.

Also, make sure you aren’t a model for bullying. Do you incessantly tease your child or others? Do you point out your child’s weaknesses, foibles, and physical imperfections in front of others? Do you put others down? Are you in a group that isolates others? Do you yell at coaches and players during sporting events? These are actions that model bullying for young people.

Another thing we can do is to teach children to stand up for themselves without fighting back. Personal confidence often disarms bullies. One of the most important ways to build confidence in your children is to regularly show that they have the support and love of their parent.

Making time to really listen to your kids is perhaps the single most important thing you can do to communicate your love. Really make time, though. No cell phones, no fitting it in while they are in the car with you. And make time after work and school to sit down and talk with them. It makes all the difference in the world. For young kids, get down on their level. There’s nothing more fun for little ones than sitting on the floor and playing trucks or tea party with mom or dad. The secret is in giving your child your full attention. No TV, phones or to-do lists allowed!